The Most Important Of Them All...

After days of non-stop crying during one of my down periods in the summer of 2009 (I wish I could say that they were few and far between), I became the definition of 'fed up'. 

Once again, I was crying over a guy who was worth less than the dirt on my shoe, but yet I wasn't even crying over this fool. I was actually crying over the emotional buildup of constant heartache and heartbreak, after a turbulent three-year relationship that could only be described as disastrous and the consequent dating games that followed with those who sniffed out my vulnerability like hunting dogs track foxes. This particular - and incredibly insignificant - individual was simply the catalyst to the breakdown. (I think he had stood me up with no apology or contact a day before flying out of the country indefinitely... or something to that effect.) 

The truth is that I was crying over everything that happened before him.

So there I was, sitting alone on my bed in my apartment in London, away from my family and friends, looking in the mirror and talking to myself like a bloody lunatic:

Why do you always get into these situations? Why won't you ever learn? What is it going to take for you to realize that you need to stop opening up to these people? Why is it so important for someone to be there for you? Why are you so damn needy?

Indeed, I am my biggest critic. And a seasoned man-basher. To say that I had lost all faith in all men and all mankind is the understatement of the world's existence. 

And then I realized something. I was staring at myself in the mirror and talking to myself. I was talking - out loud - to myself. I was actually carrying on a conversation with Me as if I were a completely different person.

And that's when it happened.

'Get dressed dammit,' the girl in the mirror said to me. 'I'm taking you out.'

So I did. I got dressed up, put on some nice makeup, spent a little time on my hair and walked down the stairs, out the door and took myself to the movies. I spent the afternoon indulging in countless treats from the concession stand, drank Coke until I almost peed myself, laughed like a kid at animated cartoons and comedy and then went for a stroll in the bookstore, where I wandered aimlessly in the aisles until I found something to my liking to take home with me. By the time I walked back through my front door almost four hours later, I was energized. I was excited. I was... hopeful.

I am not crazy, despite what you're thinking right now.

I have thought about that day countless times since then, especially if I feel sadness for any reason. Here is how it works:

During that time following my breakup, I was so eager - desperate even - to give love to someone that I completely forgot about the most important relationship I had. The one with myself. All clichés and sob stories aside, I realized that the person I have been looking for to love all this time is the one standing in the mirror looking back at me. At that moment, when she told me to get up and get dressed, she was being my friend. I had stepped outside of my body, turned around and looked at Me and the state I was in... and I became my own friend. 

That's what it is. Sometimes, you need to make yourself an outsider to the situation and be the friend that you need the most. Ask yourself: 

What would I do if I had a friend called [your name here] and they were feeling like this? How would I cheer my friend up?

Then do it. It's that simple. Sometimes, I like to think of it as 'dating myself', which sounds a little weird, but when you put it into practice, it actually works. Only I know what will really make me laugh and truly lift my soul at any given moment. Now, at least once a week, I have a personal promise to fulfill of treating that girl to something special, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. She deserves it. She hasn't had a compliment in a while? Then I give her one dammit!

We all want someone who can be with us at our very best and still handle us at our very worst. Who else sleeps with you every night without fail and wakes up with you every morning (no matter what your morning face/breath is)? Who else has been there from the very beginning and will be there until the very end? Who else knows all your strengths, weaknesses, flaws and faults... in detail? Who is the only one who can stand the test of being with you 24/7? Who can and will never walk away from you no matter how hard you may push? 

The answer is you. 

It's only ever you. 

Time to start treating yourself a little better and stop waiting for somebody else to do it. 

You are called Numero Uno for a reason, so stop trying to give it away.