We live in a society that tries to define everything. Who we are (male/female, black/white, old/young), what we do (doctor/lawyer/engineer/artist) and what we have (house/car/money/clothes/family) - everything has a label. Everything.
I've come to realize that labels mean nothing to the individual. It is for everyone else's satisfaction that we label things. It separates us from others; for some it makes the clear distinction that 'I am better than you because I am... [fill in the blank]... and you are not'. This is gratifying for those people.
It's the same with relationships. Everybody needs to define what your status is. Look at that silly little piece of information on the social network known as Facebook that changes so regularly like the ebb and flow of the tide: today she's In A Relationship... tomorrow he's Single. It amuses me, mostly because the people who promote these statuses are usually the ones who have no idea what their current state of mind is, nor who they truly are as individuals.
Does it matter? Really?
Let's get off the Facebook roller-coaster and look at Life. Is it easier for you to know that you have the title of being someone's Girlfriend or Boyfriend? Does that make the relationship itself better in some way? Is the label liberating or limiting? Is it some sort of privilege?
Think about it.
Sometimes, we use labels in relationships as a way of stalling or buying time:
If she's my Girlfriend, then I can relax a little and not have to worry about committing to any more than that for now.
I can do just enough and put in just enough effort to qualify as a Girlfriend/Boyfriend, but then my job is done.
I have gone from believing in the label to completely disregarding the label. Being someone's Girlfriend or Boyfriend means nothing these days it seems. Nor does being married or engaged in most cases, considering how completely astray our moral compass and sense of devotion has gone.
I used to love being introduced as my man's Girlfriend, his Woman, his Wifey. This made me feel special; it put me on a pedestal and made me feel like a Queen. Other people knew that I was with him and therefore they would respect our relationship (in theory). But was I truly being treated like the Queen that I am anyway? Hell no. Especially not the way such titles get flung around like hot potatoes these days, there is no weight to them. Does being someone's [label here] qualify you for better treatment than you would have had without the label? It should, shouldn't it? But for some reason, having that label tends to make you a possession that consequently allows the (in)significant other to slack off and not try so hard. Having a label also heightens the wolf pack senses of haters and commentators, who come out in numbers to try and destroy what you are building. (Have you ever noticed how many people start hitting on you as soon as you're no longer available?)
I've come to the following conclusion for a great deal of reasons that I can't discuss in one post but humour me if you will, because this revelation has been liberating:
Being someone's [label here] means nothing in essence. I'm sorry if that hurts you. It's just a word. Get over it. I'm all about the action and the effort. Would I rather be someone's Girlfriend and have the title, or is it just good to be around someone who treats me with courtesy and respect, giving me time, attention and affection, regardless of the lack of definition of what we are? If all your needs are being met, then why is the title so necessary? Why do other people even need to know? If it feels good, why even define it? Enjoy it, embrace it... It is what it is.
Granted, it's a little difficult to keep introducing someone as: 'The person who is meeting all my needs and treating me with respect and making me smile at this point in my life; who knows where it could go but we're not particularly worried about defining it right now because it's all good for us, nice to meet you!'... So maybe that should be a label:
It is what it is.
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