Life is so busy that, more often than not, it passes us by while we're in the midst of rushing to catch up with it. I once heard a phrase that has stuck with me, especially whenever I heard some of my friends incessantly complain about how busy they are, too busy to take a drink, too busy to meet for lunch, too busy to write an email to say hello - it always frustrates me when people use that excuse. The phrase went something like this:
If you find yourself using the excuse of being 'too busy' all the time, then you need to re-evaluate what's happening in your life.
The truth is, there is always time. There is always time to do what you want, when you want. It's all about being in control of your time and not allowing other people to encroach on it. I'm sure many of you have heard of the work ethic to 'Leave your personal life or problems at the door'... this is all about being professional.
It works exactly the same the other way around. It works exactly the same with relationships.
When you get home to the person who loves you, leave your work at the door. Leave your issues and your worries and your frustrations (and your BlackBerry!) where they are, and enjoy what you have come home to. Enjoy the people who love you, give them your full attention and everything else will take care of itself. The world will not stop spinning because you couldn't answer a phone call from work or go out with friends who want to party and drink all night long. Being a little selfish with your time is good. It shows control. It shows everyone who is the boss in your world.
To further this idea, I suggest that you Designate A Day. Some people call this 'Date Night' - it's exactly the same concept. Designate a time to devote wholly and solely to the nurturing of your relationship, and even if it is two hours on a Wednesday night, be dedicated to it. Stand by the commitment that every Wednesday, at such-and-such a time, it's about you and your partner. I don't think this is something that needs to be done only when you need to put the spice back into your relationship as an older married couple... Why not start from the get-go? It can be as simple as a conversation, cooking a meal together, watching a movie, reading together, foot rubs... you get the point. Think of it as the opportunity to reconnect and recharge from a major source of support in order to face the world again the next day.
My partner and I use our 'Designate A Day' to reconnect and reinforce what it is we need - physically, emotionally and spiritually - and what we want in our futures, both individually and together. This may include some talk about work but only if it affects us as a couple. (Sometimes we even help each other with work, which brings us a lot closer because we understand more about each other as a result.) After a hectic week, this time with my partner is to find my balance and reset my energy. And the more we do it, the more important it becomes and the easier it gets to make the time that we seem to never have. And I always leave that space with more inspiration, confidence and zest for my work projects.
So... Designate a day to nurture your most important relationships. You should never be too busy for that. Even if you are single (and even more so if you aren't), nurture the most important relationship you have, the one with yourself.
In this crazy busy world, it's the least we can do to make the time to hold on to the things that centre us.
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