Great Expectations

We all have an idea of what our perfect person should be like in some capacity: how tall they should be, eye colour, hair colour, financial status, what kind of car they should drive, what kind of job they should have, how their family should behave, what qualities they should or shouldn't possess... (see What Do You Want?) 

What a boring place the world would be if we got what exactly what we wanted or expected all the time!

Expectations are a standard part of the way we live. Take the little girl who knows what her dream wedding will be like: it doesn't matter how many boyfriends come and go, she just knows that she wants this dress, with those flowers and the groom will show up (...someday) and fit into her picture (... somewhere). 

My ultimate dream wedding growing up was influenced by the movie The Sound of Music. I had the most grandiose ideas of getting married in an Italian cathedral with paintings on the ceiling... Even to this day it still has a nice traditional 'make-me-a-princess-just-for-one-day' ring to it. Then, as relationships came and went, I found my ideals about getting married changing. In the busy little world of Inside My Head - whether I discussed it with my 'somebody' at the time or not - I went from chapel trains and organs, to small and intimate, to huge and fun, to liking the idea of eloping, to not even caring about a piece of paper: Let's just shout 'I love you!' into the wind from a mountain-top... which is pretty much where I stand today.

I use weddings as an example but this works on so many levels...

We meet people who are 'potentials' and we tend to hold them to their highest potential, expecting them to fit into our idea of how things should be, rather than accepting who they are at any given moment. We always think of the person they could be for us rather than allowing the person that they currently are for themselves to simply exist in our world. No matter how many times I told my ex that I believe that he is a good person who knows what the right thing is, he still doesn't live up to his highest potential even today with other women. Which is fine, because that's who he is and who he wants to be right now. But that did make me realize back then that that wasn't for me and that he wasn't for me and I had to stop sitting around hoping that one day he would change to fit my ideal of him.

As I have grown and adapted to the potentials in my life, I realize that expectations are rather ridiculous. I realize that it's more about great adaptations than great expectations. I realize that if it's really Love, and the good kind (after all there is only one kind of real Love and if it ain't good then it ain't Love), then adapting does not hurt one bit. I've realized that every man I ever thought of as Mr. Perfect had absolutely nothing in common and nothing to do with the last Mr. Perfect, regardless of what my Mr. Perfect list looks like. They were all different, and rightfully so, because they each had something important to teach me at those points in my life. 

This is also why I don't believe in the idea of finding The One, but rather meeting The Right One For This Part Of The Journey.

It's true when they say that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Everyone who came before this moment changed me and my expectations of Love in some way or another. I would like to think they made me strive for better and know my standards, whilst still be willing to compromise on qualities or differences that don't matter in the big picture. 

My only expectation of Love nowadays is that it feels good: even during the hard times, even during the arguments, it should be the thing that shines the most and feels the best. If it doesn't, then it's time for me to go.

Today, I know this: 

If my partner and I want the same things spiritually and emotionally, then the how, the when and the where will fall into place by itself. 

I cannot expect him to fit my ideal of Perfect that existed before he even arrived. What I have found though, is that my ideal of Perfect has found a way to fit him... and instead of checking all the boxes that I had pre-determined for my Mr. Right, this mister is creating boxes I had never even thought of. And they are all Right.

Now that is a Great Adaptation.