Equal But Different

I like apples. Green apples, to be exact. They call them Granny Smith apples. They're so firm and crunchy and full of taste, not too sweet but very juicy...

I also like oranges. I love sprinkling salt over peeled orange slices and leaving it in the fridge to cool and once the salt has dissolved into the sweet fruit, it tastes heavenly...

And some days, I'll just eat a banana.

Why am I talking about this?

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Oranges and apples are both fruit - different in character, but I enjoy both in equal measure.

Being in a relationship and being single? Learn to treat these different circumstances in equal measures of appreciation, and I believe you have successfully mastered the art of balance: balance in life and balance in your emotions.

Too many people hold being in a relationship on a pedestal. They feel that they are at their best as long as they have someone (which is often not the case). They feel like Life isn't worthwhile unless they're in a relationship. These people are really up when they're up (taken) and when they're down (single), it's disastrous. I know this firsthand.

Granted, I believe that the beauty in Life is having someone to share it with, I also believe there are times when that someone will just be yourself while that other person is finding their way to you. You need to have as much respect and appreciation for being single as you do for when someone is sweeping you off your feet. No one situation is better than the other - they are two sides of the same coin: equal, but different. Understand that. 

When I'm single, I am all about having fun, hanging out with friends, meeting new people and indulging in the freedom of doing what I want without having anybody on my mind but me. When I'm in a relationship, however, I'm a completely different person but equally happy, preferring to spend quiet nights at home in conversation or watching a movie with my partner, cooking together and taking mini vacations, with the odd night out thrown in (because I still love to get dolled up!). I still make time for my friends - who are uber-important to me - but my priorities shift and re-focus, and hanging out 24/7 isn't as necessary.

The me that I've become on this ongoing journey is one that is learning to be fulfilled no matter which situation I am given. I've reached a point where I'm getting too old (and fed up) to have all these ups and downs in my life and my moods, which I've allowed other people to have too much influence over. I've learned that I need to be so in control of myself that, come relationship or drought, I will be happy dammit!

You cannot control other people. You cannot control who loves you. You cannot make them stay if they don't want to stay. You cannot force someone to be with you just because you're lonely (you can be just as lonely in a relationship as you can without one). The only thing you can control is your inner balance. Find a place within yourself that feels good no matter what, a place that you can bring yourself back to when you feel out of whack, when you have relationship issues, when you feel lonely; a place where you show yourself some love, some compassion and most of all, some respect. Find a place to always have within your reach where the only thing on a pedestal is your relationship with you, where you put yourself and your needs before anyone else's. 

Some people find it in spirituality; some find it in meditation; some call this place God. 

It doesn't matter what you call it, just find it.

I have the word 'Believe' tattooed on the back of my neck, it's barely noticeable but it's for me and it's my word and it's my place to go to to know that I'm okay no matter what. Everything I have accomplished thus far is because I had a belief and because it started with me. It didn't matter whether I was in a relationship or not. It shouldn't matter whether you're in a relationship or not. Put plainly, enjoy being single. And then enjoy being in a relationship. And then, if it happens, enjoy the reunion with being single again! Don't let the ebb and flow of circumstance put you on an emotional rollercoaster that eradicates every trace of who you are at your core. 

Once you have found this inner balance - and believe me, it won't come overnight and it won't be easy! - then it doesn't matter if Life gives you oranges, apples or bananas... 

... you'll enjoy the taste every time.