For Better Or Worse

Ain't nobody ever prove their love when things are all good and two people are smiling;
Love is found way down in the trenches when he's throwing a fit and she's sitting there crying...

~Trippin' (That's The Way Love Works) by Toni Braxton~

If you believe that real love is all smiles and butterflies and good times, you are greatly mistaken (but wouldn't it be lovely?). 

The true test of love happens when the proverbial "shit hits the fan". This is when you get to see how well you laid that foundation during the course of the relationship, especially in the beginning (the crucial three-month rule).

Don't expect to always see eye-to-eye with your partner. A little conflict is good for the soul, and for the relationship. It helps to test the boundaries you've both set as well as potentially open your eyes to a new way of thinking. It's at this point you remember that it's not just about you anymore; it's at this point that you learn to compromise.

Having arguments or disagreements in your relationship will also help you decide what you will and will not tolerate in your life - it's a wonderful learning experience in the journey of self-discovery. Consequently, this will let you know if it's time to step up and make the relationship work, or if it's time to say goodbye and go your own way. In a previous relationship, I discovered that the cons were outweighing the pros by a landslide when we were arguing more than we were loving each other, and I was turning into a person I did not know and furthermore, really did not like. Thank God she is now dead and buried.

Because of that relationship, I now have a very sensitive gauge which lets me know immediately when something isn't right or isn't good enough for me. No, it's not about making other men pay for a previous man's mistake. It's more about knowing when your emotions are being thrown off-balance to the point that you do not recognize you anymore. The dangers of this are enormous.

Of course, I'm not advocating picking fights over stupid little things or finding things wrong with your partner to bring up at inopportune moments simply to 'test' the strength of the bond between you and see if my theory is correct. You should never test your relationship on purpose. Trust me, nine times out of ten, if you go looking for something to be wrong, you will undoubtedly find it and nine times out of ten, it will be significantly worse than what you initially anticipated (which can only signal the beginning of the end for you both). And of course - I know my readers know better but in case it needed to be said - violence is never justified (the way I see it, if you're bad enough to give a slap, be hard enough to take one, end of story). 

What I am saying is that you need to be prepared to weather the storms that will inevitably come your way, often from the doing of outside circumstances or individuals. And when trouble comes - because trouble will come - you need to be so confident in the strength of your foundation that even during an argument, even when you are screaming and shouting at each other, even when you are crying or storming out of the room fuming, you know deep down that this is still your 'somebody'. 

And you don't want anybody else. 

And when the turbulence is over and the egos are bruised and the low blows have been unnecessarily dealt and you're wishing you had bitten your tongue and could take back the last twenty minutes, you know that it's time to swallow your pride and get up and fight for that person instead of with them. 

There is no room for ego in Love.

They call it 'for better or worse' for a reason. As long as your somebody makes you better, stick with them when the worse comes a-knocking...